Bless the Broken Road
by imagine131
Summary: Erica's departure destroys her. She's hoping Arizona's arrival will save her. Callie-centric A/U Callica- Callizona Rascal Flatts inspired fic. Disclaimer: I only wish I owned Grey's Anatomy...
1. Here Comes Goodbye

**Yay, another fic! It's Callie-centric, going from the end of Callica to the beginning of Callizona. Each chapter will have the name of a Rascal Flatts song because they are the ones who inspired all of this.**

**Thanks to my pals Kristyn and Sam for helping me with the Callica scene in the beginning. **

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter One: Here Comes Goodbye**

I met up with Erica in the lobby and we walked out of Seattle Grace together. I could tell that there was something bothering her, but I chose not to say anything. I was half afraid that it would have something to do with me and therefore I didn't really want to know what was wrong. Plus I knew that she would tell me when she was ready to. Erica was a very vocal individual. Not that I minded; I could sit up and listen to the sexy rasp of her voice all night long.

I couldn't stand much more of the silence between us though, so I decided to say something pleasant that would get a conversation started. I thought about what I could say and then I remember hearing from the nurses that one of her patients had had a big scare today. They had said something about Izzie Stevens too and a little more snooping around led me to the conclusion that Erica's patient had been the same on that Izzie had stolen a heart from a while back. It's amazing what the nurses know. I'm surprised they get any work done at all.

"How's your patient doing?" I asked we walked to the parking lot. I shoved my hands in my pockets to protect them from the sudden rush of cold Seattle air.

"Well, he still needs a heart, but I bought him some time," Erica replied.

"Good, I'm glad," I honestly stated, turning my head to look at her quickly. She didn't seem happy. Something was definitely not right. Normally Erica would have given me a detailed description about how she had saved the man's life. She was being very short, quiet. I could feel the heat emanating off of her, like a brewing storm. It didn't take long for her to tell me what was bothering her.

"I went to the Chief about Izzie Stevens and he completely shut me down." _Well, of course he did_, I thought. _He's the Chief and you're just trying to open up old wounds. _"Well, we'll see what he says when I report this to UNOS."

Now that was going too far. Being upset about the situation was understandable, expected even. Voicing concerns to the Chief wasn't even so bad. But reporting it to UNOS was not just stepping over the line, but taking a giant leap over it. It was a giant, dangerous leap that could not possible end well for anyone involved.

"Whoa…whoa, whoa, wait, why?" I stopped walking abruptly and reached for Erica's arm. She stopped ahead and turned to face me. "I mean, what…what good could come of that?" Erica looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"What possible good would it do? I mean, would it benefit your patient's outcome, or…?"

"My patient wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her," Erica argued before I'd even finished my sentence.

"If you're going to report this to UNOS and cost this hospital our _transplant certification_…cost our _patient's organs_, cost people their _jobs, _cost Izzie Stevens her career…." Was she crazy?

"Wait, so you're taking _Izzie Steven's _side in this? _Over mine?_" Erica sounded angry, confused, disbelieving. I felt the same way.

"She's…a doctor. One of our doctors. There's a reason we have each other's backs, Erica—"

"Oh, please, do not talk to be about a 'code', because this is _not_ that."

"No, this is that!" Erica just didn't get it. As much as I hated Izzie Stevens for what she had done to me, I would still defend her until the end of the earth and beyond, because she was one of us. Why couldn't Erica just understand that? Instead she shook her head indignantly. "Look, I don't know what happened between Denny Duquette and Izzie Stevens that night, but unless you were in the middle of that situation, I don't see how you can make a judgment."

"Easy," Erica countered. "There's right, and there's wrong. And this…was wrong. And illegal….There is no gray area here. You can't _kind of _think this is okay. You can't _kind of_ side with Izzie Stevens….And you can't _kind of_ be a lesbian." With every word she spoke, I began to understand her more and more. I licked my lips.

"Yes, I can," I said quietly. Her last sentence stung quite a bit, probably because I wasn't sure if it was true or not, but mostly because it was coming from Erica. Erica was silent, stony-faced for a moment, and then sort of laughed.

"I can't believe I didn't know this." She wasn't looking at me, but up at the glistening stars overhead, the only witnesses to our fight.

"Erica, the Chief is right," I began, prepared to ignore her comment and move back to the issue at hand. But Erica wouldn't let me do that.

"No, you….I don't know you, at all." Thirty seconds later she had turned and walked off, leaving me to stare at her retreating back in shock. That was it? She was leaving, over this stupid little argument?

It wasn't until I'd gotten into the car that I realized it wasn't over that stupid little argument. Our fight had nothing to do with Izzie Stevens or the Chief or the patient. It was about us. I knew that our whole situation must have been frustrating for her; she was so ready to be with me. But I was afraid to dive into that deeper end of the pool, afraid I wouldn't be able to touch the bottom.

I contemplated that thought as I drove home, not really paying as much attention to the road as I should have. Was it that? Was it just that I was afraid? Or was there more to it? Maybe Erica was wrong. Maybe I was "kind of" a lesbian. I mean, that's normal. Ish.

The apartment I shared with Cristina was mercifully empty. Cristina must have been either at work or at Joe's, the only two places surgeons ever were if they weren't at home. To be honest, I didn't care much. I was thankful to be able to drop onto the couch and lay there without having to explain myself to anybody. My body sank into the sanctuary of the cushions, where I knew I'd be all night. There was no way I was getting any sleep with this new incident on my mind.

It wasn't long before there was a knock on the apartment door. I knew it wasn't Cristina because she never would have knocked. Tired and numb I stood to answer it. Erica Hahn stood on the other side.

"Erica!" Relief flooded through me. I figured she'd thought about what had happened and came to apologize or to give me a chance to apologize. I would have said anything to keep her by my side. At that moment I wanted more than anything to hold her in my arms again and to feel her lips, hot against mine. But I didn't dare make a move, sensing that she was still angry.

She didn't return my smile as I invited her in. Her vibe had changed. The storm was no longer brewing. It had hit dead-on and was just beginning to move away. Things were just barely calmer than they had been outside the hospital.

"I just came to get some things," she said very quietly. My mind was working very slowly, trying to process all that had happened, and I couldn't figure out why she wanted to take her things from the apartment now. Couldn't she have just taken them the next time she had come over? "I'm transferring back to Mercy West. I'm going to tell the Chief in the morning. I'll stay until the transfer is complete, but then I'm gone."

Realization began to sink in. Erica wasn't going to be coming over anymore.

"So…this is it? You're leaving just because of this one little…"

"I've been thinking about it for a while Callie. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back," Her cool words slapped me hard. So it really was me that was driving her away. But I still couldn't understand why she hadn't told me these things earlier. We could have worked it out, worked _something_ out. Instead she bottled it all up until she couldn't hold it anymore and had to leave.

"It wouldn't have worked Cal," she said in response to my questions. I got angry then.

"How do you know?" I asked, louder than I had intended to. "How do you know we couldn't have made us work?" She stood with her mouth slightly open, at a loss for words. "Exactly! You don't know. And now, you never will, and neither will I." A single tear slid down my face when I blinked and I knew that it would be followed by many, many more.

I sat in brooding silence on the couch as she searched the apartment, looking for scattered belongings. I said nothing as she combed through my bedroom and did a quick once-over of the living and bath rooms. I just rolled my tongue around my mouth, bit my lip, sucked on my cheek; basically, I did anything I could to keep my mind off what I knew was coming. Nothing I did worked. I still waited in horrible anticipation of the one hated word that had to come next.

"I think I've got everything," Erica announced, re-entering the room. "I guess I should go. You probably won't see me again."

"You don't have to do this Erica," I pleaded one last time. For a moment I thought she might break. I thought she might melt into me and tell me that she didn't want to leave, that she wasn't going to leave. But maybe that was just my hopeful imagination, because the next second her features had hardened again. Her eyes were shining, but were also colder than usual.

"Yes, I do," she replied in a half whisper. I shook my head, looking down, trying to remain calm. Finally, my tear ducts under control, I looked up. For a few minutes we stared at each other awkwardly, every unsaid word being expressed in our eyes. Then she opened her mouth once more and I thought: _Here comes…_"Goodbye."

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**_Here comes goodbye  
Here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry  
Here comes the pain  
Here comes me wishing things had never changed  
And she was right here in my arms tonight  
But here comes goodbye_**

**Questions? Comments? Concerns? Anything? Hit the green 'Review this Chapter/Story' button and tell them to me. I'd love to hear your feedback!**


	2. What Hurts the Most

**I believe you pretty much all know this song. It's a good one. Writing this fic is hard because I'm trying to keep the chapters true to the songs I've picked for them without just making it the song in Grey's-verse. Ya know? Well, I hope I've accomplished my goal with this one. Lemme know with more awesome reviews =)**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Two: What Hurts the Most**

Numbly, I lay on the couch, wishing the over-sized cushions would swallow me up and take me away from this world. Thoughts raced through my head at speeds that would have made light jealous, but I was able to comprehend the basic meaning of them. Each and every thought was about Erica and what I had just lost.

My phone rang. It was on vibrate, placed on the coffee table, so a loud buzzing filled the uncomfortably silent room. I jumped and grabbed at my phone before it buzzed itself right over the edge of the table. Air that I hadn't realized I had been holding inside left me in a heavy sigh. It was not the person I wanted it to be.

I considered not answering it, but then Mark would know something was wrong and I didn't think I had it in me to answer those questions left. I took a deep breath and tried cleared my throat before answering, hoping my voice would sound relatively normal.

"Hey," I said in mock cheerfulness.

"Are you working tomorrow?" Mark asked. So much for 'Hello'.

"No, why?" I wondered what he could possibly be thinking.

"Good, get your ass down to Joe's. Lexie went home to get some sleep before her shift and I'm lonely."

Translation: "Lexie's leaving and I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist the women. Help!"

"Uhm….Yeah. Sure. Why not?" I replied. Getting up and driving myself to Joe's to play manwhore-handler was one of the last things I wanted to do. But Mark was a good friend and helping him not screw up with Lexie was the least I could do to pay him back. Mark cheered and hung up. Something told me he was off tomorrow too, and therefore going a little heavier than usual on the alcohol.

Getting off the couch was harder than I thought it would be. Not just because the cushions were so soft and low that you practically sank into them, never to be seen again, but because it offered a sanctuary to me. I felt safe as long as I was curled up between the arm rest and the back of the couch. Getting up left me vulnerable with nothing but my self-strength holding me together.

Still I managed it. I also managed to drive all the way to the Emerald City Bar safely. And I even managed to smile at Mark when I got inside, finding him chewing furiously on a straw at the far end of the bar. He was blatantly staring at a couple of blondes across the room, but every few seconds he'd looked down at his drink, try to hold his gaze there, but ended up losing it and going back to eyeing the blondes.

"Well, you seem to be staying _out_ of trouble," I joked upon reaching him. Mark didn't find it very funny, and truth be told, neither did I. But Callie Torres always teased Mark about his manwhore past and so it seemed like something I should do.

"What took you so long?" he snapped. "Did you have to get rid of your girlfriend first?"

_Breathe Callie, just breathe, _I instructed myself. It took me a few minutes to answer Mark, but he was so preoccupied that he didn't notice.

"Uhm…not exactly." I quietly answered. Mark looked at me sideways, face scrunched up in confusion. Before he could ask anything though, Joe was over to take my drink order. I ordered something very strong.

Sitting with Mark acting like nothing was wrong was hard. Very. But it wasn't impossible. After the first ten or fifteen minutes, I began to talk normally with less effort involved. I don't know if this had to do with the fact that if I took even one more sip of my drink I wouldn't be legally allowed to drive home, but I didn't really care. And since Mark had switched his order to water shortly after I arrived, I continued drinking. And soon the words were coming out of me so fast they were being mixed together mid-sentence.

"I think it's time for you to go home," Mark said, his voice hiding laughter at my nearly incomprehensible speech. Mark supported me out of the bar and into his car. My distorted mind giggled at the rhyme.

"I love you Mark," I slurred when he pulled over outside my apartment building. "You're always here for me, unlike some others who just leave when things get too complicated." At least, that's what I was aiming for saying. I'm not sure how it came out, but I think Mark caught the gist of it.

"Who left you?" he asked, grabbing my arm so I couldn't get out of the car.

"Erica, silly!" I responded. Mark looked confused and worried. He got out of the car and walked around to my side, helping me out and up the steps to the door. Despite my feeble protests (actually, he probably couldn't understand what the hell I was saying), Mark's arm guided me up the stairs and through the apartment door. "No, the couch!"

"No. Trust me, in the morning, when your head is pounding, you'll be thankful you're in your quiet bedroom and not out here where Cristina's getting ready for work," Mark said in response, ignoring my words and bringing me into my bedroom. He sat me down on my bed, where I preceded to fall over onto the pillows like a tree that's been cut down. "Looks like you got in just in time; it's starting to rain. Lucky me."

Sure enough, rain was pelting the glass of my bedroom window, growing louder with each passing minute. That's okay. The rain was kind of nice once you got used to it. I could deal with it.

"I should go before it gets any worse. Are you okay?" Mark asked me, honest concern in his voice. I nodded slowly into my pillow. I heard him talking to Cristina out in the hallway between the bedrooms and the living room before he left. Mark was telling her what had happened, and then they seemed to arguing.

"You let her drink like that? Like that's the best solution?" Cristina scolded. Since when did she have human feelings such as empathy?

"Well, I didn't know, obviously. She only just told me when we got here, and I don't think she meant to." Mark retorted. They went back and forth for another minute or so, and then Mark left. I was fairly certain that Cristina looked into my bedroom before retiring to hers for the night.

As Mark had predicted, I woke up earlier than I wished too with a headache so bad that I was tempted to take the entire bottle of Tylenol. But being a doctor and figuring that was kind of dangerous, I settled on taking two and crawling back into bed, burying myself under ever pillow and blanket within my hands' reach. While searching around for the sheets that had been pushed to the bottom of the bed by my feet, I discovered a tee-shirt. It was not mine.

The sight of Erica's tee-shirt and the feel of it in my hand brought the pain directly from my head and into my chest. Uncontrollable tears began to fall from my eyes, racing each other down. Every memory, every thought, every unsaid word came back in a rush. It hit me so hard I felt sick.

This was the part that sucked the most. I could deal with everything else, like acting normal, because that was only skin deep. But the knowledge penetrated every molecule of my being and there was no escape. I couldn't get away from my thoughts, no matter how hard I tried.

With every breath I took, thoughts of Erica entered my mind and refused to leave. Thoughts of us. Of how it was my fault she was gone, how I drove her away. That's what killed me. It was because of me, but I'd been trying so hard! If only she could have seen that, if only I could have showed her before it got too late. Instead, she ripped the end out of that book and burned it. Now neither of us would ever know what could've been.

I tossed Erica's tee-shirt to the floor beside my bed and flipped over onto my right side so that I was facing the window with my back to the closed door of my bedroom and the shirt. The sun was shining, promising a bright new day for Seattle. I closed my eyes against its offensive rays, squeezing out a few tears as I did so.

Tomorrow I would go to work and pretend everything was okay. Tomorrow I would act like I'd never met a woman name Erica Hahn. Tomorrow I would play ignorant to my friends' worried questions.

But today I would let it all out. I would stay in bed and cry over ever mistake I'd made and every wrong ever done to me. Today I would set my mind free and allow it to explore ever lost relationship and every experienced regret. Today would definitely hurt the most out of all those in the healing process. And I was so ready to take it on.

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**_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_**


	3. How Strong Are You Now?

**School + Three fan fictions = more time in between chapters. Sorry. **

**I want to shout out to my friend Kristyn on this one. Not only is it her birthday (Happy Birthday buddy!), but she has an amazing fan fiction titled "How Strong Are You Now?". It's the sequel to her "Is Forever Enough?" I strongly recommend both of them. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter Three: How Strong Are You Now?**

I knew work was going to suck. I knew it before I even got there and saw Erica's car in the parking lot. Although, I have to say, that sight added greatly to my growing urge to get back in my car and drive home where my warm bed awaited me. Instead, I checked my reflection on the tinted window.

I looked like crap. Seriously. My eyes were so red from crying that I knew it'd be a couple of days before they looked normal again. That is, if I didn't make it worse by crying again. But I made the decision when I woke up that I wasn't going to cry today. I told myself that I had gotten it all out of my system the day before and now I could just continue with my life as though Erica Hahn had never happened.

My goal to be strong and keep from breaking down all day was a hard one to reach. Every corner I turned made me want to crawl so far into myself that I would never have to come out and deal with this kind of thing again. I carefully avoided all the places Erica frequented and managed to make it to my nurses' station without seeing her.

I call it 'my' nurses' station because, at any given moment in the day, you could walk up to this particular station and find either me or Mark Sloan there. It was generally where we hung out when not working. It's positioning was perfect; not too close or too far from anywhere in the hospital we'd ever need to be. The downside was that it was in a four-way intersection of hallways, one of them being a part of the cardiac ward.

Just as I'd figured, Mark was leaning on the station. His back was to me and his head was bent over a patient's chart. I cleared my throat when I was still a few feet behind him so he wouldn't jump out of his skin when I showed up by his side. It's happened before and right now I didn't feel like having him chew me out about sneaking up on him.

However, the look he gave me when he turned around showed no signs of ever wanting to "chew me out". His ice blue eyes were sympathetic, worried even. His face displayed a soft kindness that I hadn't seen before in him.

"Don't look at me like that," I said, quickly diverting my eyes to the floor.

"Like what?" he asked. I could tell by the tenderness of his voice that he was still giving me the look.

"You're giving me the sympathetic look. Don't. I'm not sure I can handle it right now, and I am not going to cry today. Today is just a normal day at work, like nothing's happened…." I answered in a rush. Mark didn't say anything and after a few minutes, I thought it might be safe to look up. His eyes still displayed emotion, but the rest of his body language was back to how it usually was.

"Callie, it's okay to be upset. You deserve to be upset after what happened to you—"

"Mark, please!" I interrupted, anger floating into my voice, covering up the thickness of it. Five minutes at work and I'm already on the verge of tears. How did I think I was going to survive the whole day?

And the day didn't get much better. It seems that word spread quickly (as it always does in Seattle Grace) about my split with Erica. Everywhere I went I got those sympathetic looks, and remembering why they were being given to me, I nearly broke down. I soon found a new way to avoid crying when seeing these looks.

Instead of getting upset, I got annoyed. My annoyance grew with every look and every whispered word of pity until finally I reached my breaking point. Unfortunately it was the Chief who got the pleasure of witnessing this meltdown. I yelled at the Chief. In Spanish. Thankfully Mark had been walking down the same hallway and he was able to stop me.

"Callie! Stop speaking Spanish. We don't speak Spanish." He said firmly, his hands gripping my shoulders. Finally he was looking at me without the worried look in his eyes, and somehow that was worse than before. I took a deep breath, my eyes filling up with tears against my will.

"I can't do this, Mark," I breathed, falling into his chest. After a moment's hesitation, I felt his arms wrap comfortingly around me. I buried my face into his dark blue scrubs, taking deep, shuddering breaths until the feeling that I was going to cry drained away. Then all that was left was a bitter ache in my chest.

"You can't keep holding this in, Callie. You're going to explode again." I could feel him twist his upper body slightly towards the Chief. A few seconds later, footprints indicated the Chief's departure.

"No. I'm not going to cry. I cried yesterday, spent all day crying. I'm not going to anymore. I'm stronger than that."

"Crying doesn't make you weak," Mark whispered. He gently peeled me away from him, still holding on to my shoulders, so he could look me in the eye.

"Yes it does. Tough guys never cry," I said defiantly. Mark's head fell to one side, his shoulders sagging a little in defeat.

I broke away from his grip and left to check on my patients before he could say anything more. I made it through the rest of the day by avoided everyone and numbly going about my job. I worked with robot efficiency, my mind closed off to everything that wasn't medical. And despite a few low points where I almost lost it, I had successfully made it through one day at Seattle Grace Hospital without crying. I waited until I was in the elevator to congratulate myself. However, my victory smile didn't last long on my face.

The elevator stopped on the floor beneath the one I had gotten on at, and in walked the one person I did not want to see. Eyes wide, mouth gaping, I quickly hid in the corner behind an intern. Erica didn't see me at first and I stood with my fingers crossed, praying to God that she never would. Unfortunately for both of us, the intern in front of me was apparently sick.

He went into a violent coughing fit, his body convulsing with each cough. He bent in half just as Erica, like everyone else in the elevator, looked over towards him. With him doubled over, I was left exposed and directly in Erica's line of vision. Her eyes and mouth mimicked mine: wide and gaping. When the elevator stopped again, she hurried out, even though it wasn't the right floor. Pretty much everyone exited then, anxious to get away from the coughing intern. I was the only one who remained.

I closed the elevator doors before anyone else to enter and stopped it halfway between floors, giving myself time to recuperate. When I saw Erica and was looking at the face that had broken my heart, my expression remained frozen, and my eyes hard and dry. But now that she was gone, I lost that stony composure. I bent over like the coughing intern, feeling sick in both my stomach and my heart. Slowly I slumped to the floor, feeling the cool metal of the elevator through my clothes. The tears that had been trying to escape from me all day finally did.

They fell heavy and fast and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I finally stopped trying to calm down and gave myself to the overpowering emotion, feeling weak and helpless. I had never cried so much in my life as I had with this break-up. Not even when my marriage fell apart. I had been so strong then, working all day with George and Izzie without falling apart every few seconds. I had even somewhat forgiven them and still worked with them everyday. So maybe this was just one more thing Erica had taken from me. Maybe I depended on her too much and now that she was gone, I was left weak and vulnerable.

_So Callie,_ I thought bitterly, _how strong are you now?_

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**_How strong are you now  
Without her around  
You can't even keep one little bitty tear  
From fallin' down  
Tell me how strong are you know_**

**Please review if you are reading! **

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	4. Stand

**Sorry bout the delay. School, wedding stuff (my sis', not mine lol). Anyways, I'm making a deal with myself to write more often. I'm doing pretty good so far. **

**Enjoy! and don't forget to review!**

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Chapter Four: Stand

"Callie!" I heard the voice of Mark Sloan call out from behind me, but I ignored it and kept walking as fast as my feet would take me away from the hospital. There was too much there that I didn't want to see and didn't want to have to think about. I had never had such a strong urge to do anything as I did to leave that place at that moment.

Mark continued to call me and I continued to ignore him. Eventually he stopped yelling and followed silently behind me. I was surprised that he didn't quicken his pace and stop me, which he easily could have done; now out in the sanctuary of the parking lot, I had slowed considerably, going from a half-run to an easy walk. But he didn't and so when I finally reached my car, I got in and waited for him to catch up. He leaned towards my window and I pressed the button for it to go down.

"You can't leave. Not like this," he said. I decided to play dumb.

"Like what?" I asked in confusion. Mark rolled his eyes, reached his hand through the half open window and unlocked my car doors. Before I could open my mouth to react, he had walked around the front of the car and slid into the passenger's seat. "Are you carjacking me?" I was genuinely confused now and a little frightened.

"Look Callie, you may put on a brave smile for everyone else, but I can see that you're not okay. You're not fine. You're not even almost those things. I saw you bolt out of that elevator and I saw how you're really feeling in the split second it took for you to cover that up. You looked like shit Callie. Why did you come back today?"

I didn't answer right away. Instead I tried to wrap my mind around Mark's words and make sense of them. Mark had never spoken so poetically before and it was downright confusing. It took me a minute to figure out what he was asking.

"Why did I come back?" I repeated slowly.

"Yes. Why did you think that you were ready to come back to work? Even I can tell you're no where near ready."

"I have to work Mark, ready or not. So I thought I'd be strong and I thought I'd be able to make it through the day." I sighed and fell heavily against the back of my seat, dropping my hands from the steering wheel. I didn't realize how hard I was holding on to the wheel until I felt the dull ache in my fingers. "But I couldn't even do that. I don't think I'll ever be able to again. I think I'm really broken this time, Mark."

"I bet I know how you're feeling right now, and if I'm right I have some Words of Wisdom for you," Mark said eventually. I looked at him with raised eyebrows and I couldn't help but be slightly amused. "You feel like there's a piece of you missing, like something's not right. Like maybe at any moment, you'll fall apart. You feel like you're alone in the world and no one and nothing can possibly help you."

My amusement turned to pure shock. I whipped my head around to look at him so fast, my neck cracked. Mark laughed humorlessly, the sound of a bitter chuckle escaping his lips.

"I flew all the way out here to Seattle just to try to convince Addison to come home. Don't you think it hurt a little when I instead stayed and watched her and Derek try to be the happy couple they once were?" he explained, no longer looking at me but instead staring out the window with glassy eyes. I shook my head slowly, words failing me. "The point is," Mark began again, turning his head and locking eyes with me, "you'll be alright. You may not think so now, you may think you're broken beyond repair right now, but you'll be alright, and you'll be even stronger because of this."

"Thanks Mark, but right now I really just want to lie on the couch and be depressed," I said almost immediately. I wasn't blowing his words off completely, but I didn't want to hear them right now. I didn't want to hear about how things were going to be just fine when I felt so miserable and dead inside. Mark nodded in understanding and climbed out of the car.

"I'm here for you Callie." I 'Mhm'-ed him and watched as she reluctantly shut the door and stepped back, allowing me to peel out of the parking lot.

…

"How long has she been like that?"

"Four days."

"Has she moved? At all?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

They kept their conversation quiet, whispering to each other in the doorway. Unfortunately for Mark and Cristina, the silence of the apartment made their words seem to echo and I heard every one of them. I considered opening my mouth to tell them to screw off, but I didn't really have to energy or the will to do it.

"I've tried all I can," Mark said quietly to Cristina. "She won't listen to me. I've been hurt before, but not like that. You have. You should talk to her."

"What do you want me to do, share heartfelt sob stories with her until she gets up off the couch?" Cristina scoffed; the idea of being heartfelt and swapping stories probably both disgusting and frightening her.

"Yes." Mark's voice was so serious and firm that I could almost picture the way Mark was staring her down and the way Cristina's face went blank. Cristina groaned and after a short argument, she reluctantly agreed to talk to me.

"You don't have to do this. In fact, please don't," I said suddenly a few minutes later after Mark had left. Cristina was lingering awkwardly in the doorway to the hallway, probably wanting to run down the hall and into the confines of her bedroom, but knowing that the right place to be was in the living room with me.

"No, your manwhore will kill me. Plus, if you don't get up soon you're going to become a permanent part of the couch. I have sex on that couch. That'd be creepy." I burst out into a short, involuntary bout of laughter. Cristina looked pleased with herself and took a few confident steps closer to the couch.

"Is this the part where you share your heartaches with me to try to make me feel better?" I asked bitterly, quickly sobering from my irrational laughter. I really wasn't in the mood for laughter.

"I don't want to do this any more than you do, but if it gets you off your ass and back on your feet, it's worth a shot, right?" I didn't answer. "What do you know about my relationship with Preston Burke?"

At this, I shot up into a sitting position. My body ached in protest after lying in that same position for so long, but I ignored the pain. I had heard a lot about Preston Burke during my time at Seattle Grace. I had never really worked with him or spent time with him as much as George had, but I had heard plenty of rumors and stories to make up for lack of personal knowledge. And knowing what was now coming, I was suddenly interested in what Cristina was going to say to me.

"I guess you know the gist of it then?" Cristina looked amused at my reaction. My newfound eagerness to listen encouraged her farther into the room until at last she was sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of me. She rested her elbows on her knees, leaning forward so that she was only a few inches from me and was staring at the floor.

"Preston and I were pretty serious. Really serious, actually. This was the apartment he lived in when I met him. He somehow convinced me to move in with him. I loved him and it scared the shit out of me. We were going to get married. I didn't really care or want to, but it was important to him, so I went along with it." I sat up straighter, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I knew what was coming next.

"On our wedding day, he decided he was leaving. He said that he knew that I didn't want that and he didn't want me to do all of that for him. Funny thing is, at that point, I sort of did want it…."

I wasn't sure because she was still looking determinedly at the floor, but I was fairly certain that Cristina was crying. Or on the verge of it anyway. This shocked me more than her story did. Even to me, Cristina was a robotic being with little to no emotion and absolutely no public displays. And now here she was, spilling her guts and acting like a human.

"What did you do?" I gasped. Cristina seemed to break out of some reverie then and snapped her head up to look at me.

"I wasn't much better than you. More robotic than usual. I went to work, but I felt nothing for a long time. I, uh…I sang, actually. And practiced on cadavers."

"You sang?" I repeated incredulously.

"Madonna. It always made me think of him, because…do you remember that night we played charades? Me, Preston, you, and O'Malley?" I nodded slowly, vaguely remembering the time when George and I had been happy. "And he couldn't guess Madonna, because he was an idiot. So after that, I always thought of him when I heard Madonna."

"But you got over it. You're with Owen, and you're as happy as I've ever seen you," I stated slowly. Cristina nodded.

"I was in that numb state for a long time. I didn't fully come out of it until Owen saved me….I meant that literally, but I suppose it can be taken metaphorically as well."

"So what's the moral of the story here? What's supposed to get me up on my feet?" I asked almost mockingly a short while later. Cristina shrugged.

"Take what you want from it; I'm just sharing my experience. All I can tell you is that I got over it, and I got stronger. I realized things about myself, I accepted them, and I shook it off. Maybe you can too."

Cristina left me alone with my thoughts, which I was secretly very grateful for. After a long time of staring absently at the same spot on the floor that Cristina had been when retelling her tale, I looked up at nothing in particular with a determined look on my face.

I'd decided that I'd had enough of this. I was tired of feeling this miserable and sick of being so hung up on a girl. Slowly, I placed my feet on the cold hardwood floor. I bit my lip and let anger at myself and Erica and the screwed up planet was over me, motivating me to do what I had to do, what I was finally, truly ready to do: stand.

* * *

**_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you Stand, Then you stand_  
**


	5. No Reins

**It's time to introduce my favorite character, Arizona Robbins :) Okay, so the scene with them: Yes, most of the dialogue is stolen from the show. It's late and I'm tired. Plus, I love how the writers write Arizona and her interactions with Callie (Hello? 'I love you' scene? Brilliant!). Anyways, enjoy

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**

Chapter Five: No Reins

"Hey," I greeted, a true smile brightening my features. Mark turned to see who was speaking to him and I saw his face go from bored to surprised to happy in a matter of seconds.

"Callie!" he cried, turning his body fully around and wrapping his arms around me. "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to talk to you," I said with a shrug. My eyes wandered around, taking in the sight of the hospital around me. I saw many people in blue scrubs and white lab coats, but not the one I was hoping to avoid. I smiled again and brought my attention back to Mark, who was laughing at me.

"You could have just called," he pointed out. I scrunched my mouth to the side like I always do, trying to think of something clever to say back to him.

"Well, it was a nice night, so I decided to take the walk over here. I don't live far." So I was a little rusty in the Smart-ass Department. That's what happens when you spend a few days unmoving on the couch.

"Uh-huh. What do you want?" I laughed at that; Mark knew me too well to assume I had come to the hospital just to chat.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight. You and Lexie and whoever else wants to come. I'm in a party mood," I admitted. Mark rolled his eyes.

"A few hours ago, I was about to check your vitals 'cause I was pretty sure you had died on that couch. Now you want to go out and _party_? I don't get you Torres." I wrapped my arm around his waist and leaned into his side as we walked through the hospital's hall.

"A few hours ago, I was a very different person. I want to celebrate the death of that person."

"Does this mean I get my best friend back? 'Cause that other chick was scaring me." I punched Mark playfully. He cried out dramatically and bent in half, forcing me to let go of him and take a step back.

"Yes, you get your best friend back," I sighed impatiently. "Now do you want to go to Joe's or not?"

"Sure," Mark agreed with a grin, straightening himself again. "I'll talk to Lex and see if she wants to come. See you in an hour?" I nodded and watched him happily as he bounded off in search of his girlfriend. My smile faded slowly as the feeling of loneliness began to creep through me.

…

"Alright, so what finally got you up? It was me, wasn't it? You couldn't bear to think of me, bored and alone in the hospital," Mark asked jokingly, handing me a free beer. I laughed.

"Yeah, that's it," I replied with the same amount of sarcasm. Mark looked pleased that I was acting like myself again and grin childishly at me. He sat down on the barstool between me and Lexie, wrapping an arm around each of us, pulling us close to him and nearly yanking me right off my barstool in the process.

"This is how it should be," he sighed. "Just me and my ladies and a bar full of sexy strangers." Lexie slapped Mark lightly and tried to pull away from him while I just laughed. My eyes involuntarily swept the bar; she wasn't here, but the some of the strangers that were were in fact very sexy. A blonde-haired woman sitting across the bar locked eyes with me. For a minute, we both stared. But then embarrassment took over and we both looked away quickly with flushed faces.

Mark was leaning towards a giggling Lexie, his beckoning lips whispering sweet words that were no doubt meant to make her forget about his joke. I escaped Mark's loosened grip and slid off my barstool before I had to witness them kiss. Looking around once more, I noticed that the resident gang was mostly there. I grabbed an extra beer from Joe and made my way over.

"Hey," I greeted almost nervously. Cristina and I were friendly, Meredith was secretly afraid of me, George was friendly but it was awkward between us, Alex and I had never really had anything to do with each other, and Izzie…well, that was bridge that I would never be playing on. Derek and Owen were also there, their arms wrapped around their significant others the same way Mark had been holding me and Lexie. I was friends with both of them as well and they raised their hands in greeting. I sat in an empty chair next to Cristina and handed her the extra beer. "Thanks," I muttered.

Cristina accepted the beer, nodding in understanding. After an awkward moment of everyone staring silently at me, Derek and Owen began to talk about baseball. Alex joined halfheartedly, whereas Izzie and George were joking about a patient. Cristina looked over at Meredith and they seemed to have a silent argument until finally Meredith rolled her eyes and nodded. Without warning, they both stood up, Cristina pulling me up as well.

"What's going on?" I asked, laughing nervously. Meredith turned to Cristina, waiting for her to answer. Cristina took my beer and placed both mine and hers on the table before speaking.

"We're dancing it out. You'll feel better," she explained.

"Cristina, I'm fine. I don't need to 'dance it out'," I argued.

"Surgeons always need to dance it out," Meredith said, speaking for the first time. I rolled my eyes and went along with them. Meredith went over to the jukebox to find something to dance to. She came back a moment later and a song I recognized and kind of liked, 'Little Pieces' by Gomez, was playing loudly through the bar.

I let them start, trying not to laugh as they rocked around. I had to admit, it looked like fun. I joined them just before the end of the first verse, not caring if I looked like a total ass. It was some of the most fun I'd ever had and dancing it out did make me feel better. I felt totally free. Halfway through the song there was a tap on my shoulder.

"Mind if I join you?" an amused voice asked. I turned with horror to see that it was the blonde I had seen earlier. She was smiling, revealing dimples that made me almost forget what I was doing.

"Uh…yeah, sure," I stuttered. We didn't speak as she joined the dance party. We twisted around each other, laughing and smiling like little children. The sound of my laughter in my own ears sounded amazing to me; a few hours previously, I had thought I would never hear that sound again.

When the song ended, the blonde and I stopped dancing, panting slightly from our exercise. Cristina and Meredith continued their movements, trying to pretend that I wasn't with somebody to give me my privacy. My respect for the two of them soared in that moment. I gestured to the blonde woman over to the bar and she followed with a bright smile.

"I'm Arizona, by the way. Arizona Robbins. I work at the hospital too. Peds," the blonde woman informed me happily.

"Callie Torres, Ortho," I introduced myself, although she giggled and I knew that the introduction was not necessary.

"I know all about you Calliope," she said. Usually I cringed at the use of my full name, but it sounded kind of nice when she said it. I let it slide. "People talk, where we work. A lot. So, for the sake of being honest, I think I should tell you that I know things about you…because people talk." By now, I knew what she was talking about, but decided to ask to be sure.

"You mean…?" Arizona nodded, still flashing her dimples at me. "Great."

"It is, actually," Arizona assured me. "People really like you over there. Some of them _really_ like you. I've seen you around. You act like you're all right and everything is fine, but I'm willing to bet that the last five minutes were the happiest you've had in a while."

I kept quiet, unsure of what to say to someone I'd never met before who seemed to know more about me than I did. Arizona had me down to a T, and I wasn't sure if it scared me or just peaked my curiosity about her. She smiled at me again and I decided that I was just curious. I wanted to know more about the blue-eyed Peds surgeon in front of me.

"I should go, but I just wanted to let you know that people will be lining up for you when you're ready, when you're fully recovered," she continued. She slid gracefully off her barstool as she spoke, and I realized with a pang in my chest that I didn't want her to leave.

"Oh yeah? Like who?" I asked lightly, trying to keep the conversation going. She looked up at me, a half smile playing her lips and a look of pity in her eyes. Then she did something that nearly made fall off my stool: she grabbed my face and pulled me into one of the sweetest kisses I've ever experienced.

"I think you'll know," she whispered, winking at me as she stepped back and let go of me. I smiled dumbly at her, words failing me completely. I was satisfied enough just to watch her as she gathered her things and grinned a goodbye at me.

"Way to go Torres!" Mark called, coming up behind me and resting his chin on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes, the carefree smile still on my face. I got up, grabbing Mark's hand and dragging him back to where Cristina and Meredith were still dancing. Mark reluctantly rocked back and forth with me as I partied the night away, feeling more lighthearted than ever before. My mind was thinking about nothing but Arizona and finally I felt totally free from Erica's grip. Now nothing could hold me back, like I was living with no reins.

* * *

**_Like a painted wild mustang  
Flyin' out across the open range  
Finally gets to live her life that way  
No fear, no fences, nobody-no reins  
_**


	6. Author Update

**Okay guys, I think an author update is required here. I know it's been forever since I've posted anything. I've decided that because of school and other things, I've been too busy to write. So I think it's only fair to you guys that I tell that I will be taking a little break. I'm not sure how long this hiatus will last, but probably a couple of weeks. But I am definitely not just giving up on my fics. I will write them. But right now I'm overworked and unmotivated, so I'm taking a breather.**

**To my _Someday_ fans: I will write the revision. I promise, it is definitely getting done. I have some idea bouncing around, I just have to make time and sit down and actually write it. I'm hoping after the holidays, mayber during break, I'll be able to get that posted for you.**

**And to everyone: I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Again, maybe after the holidays I'll be able to focus more on this.**

**Please stick with me guys, I'm not abandoning you. **

**~Laurie**


	7. Long Slow Beautiful Dance

**And I'm back in action. Sorta. I'm trying to update everything tonight because I don't get a chance to often. Enjoy :)

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**

Chapter Six: Long Slow Beautiful Dance

I paced my bedroom nervously, trying to fight back the feeling of nausea that had taken over me. I wore nothing but pajama shorts and a fitted tee-shirt as I walked a path from the door to the window in the opposite wall. Twice I tripped over the pair of shoes I'd worn the night before that remained on the floor and once I whacked my knee on the corner of the bed. But I didn't even have time to notice it because my brain was too busy.

In my hands was my cell phone. Sometimes I held it in my right and sometimes I tossed it to my left hand to give my right a rest. Both hands were clammy and cramped from their vice-grip on the cell phone. My lips were counting off a seemingly random pattern of numbers that I had now spoken so many times that I had their order memorized.

Four times I had tried to call Arizona Robbins. The first time I wasn't even able to press the Send button. The second time it half rang before I chickened out and hung up. The third and fourth times I'd been a little braver and let it ring a few times. But I still hadn't been able to work up the nerve to talk to her.

I was still pacing three minutes later when the phone in my hand did something other than make me want to puke. The loud ringtone startled me, but not as much as the vibration did. I dropped the phone and jumped backwards, my pulse beating ten times faster than usual. It took me almost a full minute to calm down and realize that my phone was ringing.

And with that realization, I sprang into action. I moved so quickly, I swear I would have been blurred to anyone watching. Picking up the phone, I speed-read the LCD screen as I straightened up. My heart both contracted and swelled as I read her name.

"Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

"Calliope," Arizona greeted happily. Just hearing her voice gave me confidence and lifted my spirits.

"Arizona, hi. I was just thinking about you," I told her. Then I froze, wondering if that was something I should have said or not. Arizona didn't seem to mind.

"And what were you thinking exactly?" she asked.

"I was thinking about how I should really call you because I really wanted to, but I was too afraid," I answered without thinking. Something about Arizona's bright innocence caused me to speak openly and honestly. I couldn't decide whether it was a trait I liked or not yet.

"Why did you want to call me?" There was laughter hidden behind Arizona's voice.

"To ask you out on a date," I replied.

"That's funny, that's what I called you for," Arizona said with a giggle. Her little kid's giggle made my heart melt into my stomach, warming it and I couldn't help but smile.

"Did you really?" I laughed. "So I guess it's a 'yes', then?"

"It's totally a 'yes'," Arizona responded. "Are you working tonight?"

Tonight?! She was giving me just 10 hours notice to our first date? Was she insane?

"Uhm, no. No, I'm off tonight," I answered.

"I'm actually at work now, but I get off at 6. I know a really cute little Italian place nearby. Why don't I pick you up around…8?" Arizona suggested.

"Uhm…yeah. That sounds great. I'll meet you outside the hospital. I live right across the street pretty much."

"Oh, okay. Super. I'll see you then," Arizona agreed.

"Can't wait," I couldn't help but add before hanging up. I collapsed onto the bed beside me and let out the deep breath I'd been holding in subconsciously. I was pretty sure I wouldn't make it until 8 o'clock.

…

My feet were completely rooted to the spot. I could see the front of the hospital from where I stood outside my apartment building, but I couldn't make myself go over there. It felt like there was an anchor deep in my stomach, holding me down where I was. It was quarter to 8, only 15 minutes before I was supposed to meet with Arizona. It took all of my self control not to turn around and run back up to my apartment.

Taking small baby steps, I managed to get myself across the street to the hospital. My knees were weak as I waited for Arizona so I sank into one of the benches that lined the paved court in front of Seattle Grace. The minutes ticked by excruciatingly slowly and just as I was sure I would be sick, I caught sight of a smiling blonde.

Seeing Arizona calmed me instantly. Her ever-present good mood was infectious and I smiled back at her brightly. I stood as she came over to where I'd been sitting. She looked beautiful in a simple blue dress that matched her shining eyes perfectly.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hi. Ready to go?" she asked. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak again. She led me back to her car and we drove to the restaurant she'd mentioned earlier. She was very talkative and social, and I thought I could get away with just listening to her talk, but she wouldn't allow it. She kept me involved in the conversation and it was continued after we were seated at our table.

I had fun with Arizona. It actually amazed me how much I was enjoying myself, and all we were doing was talking. Arizona was everything: sweet, charming, funny, and more. Being out with her was the best I'd felt in a really long time and I couldn't wait to feel that way again. I just hoped she gave me the opportunity.

When she dropped me off at home later that night, I found I didn't really want to get out of the car. She kissed me goodnight; it was short and sweet and not exactly long enough for my liking, but it fit the moment perfectly.

The beginning of relationships had always been the part that scared me the most, but not this time. This time, with Arizona, I was enjoying myself every step of the way. I realized that this was the way it was supposed to be, like a long, slow, beautiful dance.

* * *

**_A deep breath and baby steps  
that's how the whole thing starts  
It's a long slow beautiful dance  
To the beat of a heart_**


End file.
